Beneath the Shell
My clothes' are torn,
And my face is scruffy.
I smell because I haven't showered in weeks,
Because of that you stayed away from me.
Oh kind sir could you spare me a penny I ask?
You hurried away in fear that my stench will latch on to your clothes.
You judged me by my smell and my appearance,
But little did you know that I was your savior.
If you waited till the murky water settled,
You would have seen how clear the water really was.
But you did not give me the chance,
You would have seen that I was a gentleman beneath this shell society had given me.
But you didn't,
You walked away ignorantly,
Glad that your clothe were not touched my hands,
But little did you know,
When you move away from me you also moved away from true virtue,
Soon enough you will be look down upon from the likes of yourself.
Will you be disgusted of yourself?
I pray you will.
The Night and I
At night is when the real me comes out,
I am an owl.
My thoughts begin to crystallize,
And my words make sense,
Night is my domain,
And I feel as though I could do anything.
Sometimes I reflect,
Sometimes I write,
I can now do my math,
I can now vision my future,
I can now correct my mistakes.
At night all my urges are gone,
I broke free from my chains.
At night I ponder,
At night I am clear,
For I have stayed up all nights before,
That is why.
It is not good for me,
But it fools me to believe it so.
I love the night,
I hate why I do,
I want to change my behavior,
But I am afraid to lose the night.
When then could I find my freedom?
I need to make a decision.
I will have to find a new domain,
For nights are great,
My health is greater.
The responsibilities I hold are greater,
And temporary satisfaction can not blind me from my destiny.
I am my ruler.
I shall find a better domain,
Better than then night.
I shall find a domain that would fit me best,
Rather to fit into a domain.
I want to control myself,
I control myself,
Not the night.
Love - Hate
I love you,
I hate you,
I don't know why I love you or hate you,
But I think I do.
You bring the light into my eyes,
And my heart races when you are near.
You are also impulsive,
Your reactions leave me with dismay.
What do you call this feeling?
Can't be love,
Or can it?
How do you judge?
It is not my time to decide.
Eagles roam the skies,
And dolphins slice through the seas,
Elephants walk the earth,
Man mastered all three.
We all have our domains,
A place of comfort,
This is the place we call home.
We have comfort because we understand,
It is called home because we are the rulers.
How did man become the master of the land?
The key certainly did not just fall from the sky,
Man mastered these defeat through triumph and defeats,
But not one battle could be forgotten,
For we cannot lose our origin.
How do I succeed?
I must test myself in uncharted territories,
I must arrest the keys from already rulers,
I must be the one to rule.
By falling and failure I will rise.
I will rise before failure,
And laugh in its face.
All will be mine and more,
This is how I will succeed!
It hurts the most when your family is falling apart,
It is not when you fall and scrap your knees,
Or is it when you fracture your ankle,
Nor is the passing of a kidney stone.
You can't concentrate on anything,
Whether it is school,
And your development,
You feel as your talent is being wasted,
You know what you are capable of,
But there is always the tearing of your heart standing in the way.
You ask yourself couldn't I just ignore the fights and the arguments?
You can not.
Because you put yourself in the family,
No matter what you still have feelings for the family,
And it is not right to just forget,
Then you are not considered in the family.
But how do you work in this environment?
An environment that is filled with hole,
Disgust comes to you face when you see their actions,
Do you look away?
Or do you intervene?
The question still stands,
How do you work?
You can not let your talents rot,
But how do you work in this environment?
I don't know…
Then, Now, Later
I look at the people around me,
On the street,
Business men, clerks, policemen, and bums,
They all have a past.
They were all once a teen.
I study them,
I see the similarities between their past and their present,
It's eerie how they are similar.
The drop outs generally become the lower class,
The successors continue to be successful.
Who am I?
Am I successful?
What will I develop into?
If the life I lead will not be too dissimilar to the one I live today…
I want to change!
Look at their faces,
The powdered will be powdered,
Untamed they roam the land,
Think that they know.
The simple will remain simple,
Few ever emerges out of their trend,
For it was their way for 18 years.
I am neither simple, nor powdered,
My name is Xia,
What will I morph into?
I hope to lead a successful life,
I hope to accomplish my dreams,
I know what I am now is not enough,
But will I evolve?
Is it too late?
I feel as though I can change.
If I am honest to myself,
I will succeed.
But all signs point the other way,
People change very little.
But do subtle changes can make the difference?
I am still confused,
Thus I am still scared.